


bend your arms to look like wings

by dialecstatic



Category: Monsta X (Band), SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Fluff, I WILL SAIL THIS SHIP BY MYSELF IF I HAVE TO, M/M, Trans Character, Trans Male Character, implied polyamory, meaty boys feeling their feelings, trans!hyunwoo, you know how it is around here
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-25
Updated: 2018-02-25
Packaged: 2019-03-23 20:19:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,878
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13795548
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dialecstatic/pseuds/dialecstatic
Summary: The night when Monsta X get their long-awaited first win, Hyunwoo receives a phone call and an invitation.





	bend your arms to look like wings

When they finally get to their dressing room, away from the cheers of the crowd and the rain of confetti, he still can’t shake the ringing in his ears.

The moment replays in Hyunwoo’s mind like a broken cassette tape. Their name being called out as the winners, the screams of the crowds, the encouraging cheers from the other groups on stage, hands reaching to congratulate them, the tears and labored breathing from all around him, his own voice dying in his throat.

He’s always wanted to know what it felt like, to climb on top of the world and look out at the expanding horizon. He never expected to have the air knocked out of his lungs quite like that.

He feels like he could fall at any moment.

The one thing that keeps him steady is a hand on his shoulder and Hyungwon's voice, fading in.

“Hey. Hey. Your phone’s ringing.”

Hyunwoo turns to nod at him, a silent acknowledgement and ‘thank you’. Hyungwon's eyes are still shiny with tears, so Hyunwoo grabs a tissue from his bag when he reaches for his phone, and smiles when he sees the name on the screen.

Choi Seungcheol.

Sometimes, Hyunwoo thinks it was fate and fate alone that Monsta X and Seventeen debuted so close to each other. The two groups had become close over the years, best of friends, rivals on stage but comrades in life. So of course, he muses, Seungcheol would call him in a moment like this.

He taps the “accept call” icon and puts the phone to his ear, jumping in his seat when he hears loud hollering and whooping on the other end. Someone yells “congratulations!!” and is immediately echoed by a round of cheers, and Hyunwoo can’t help but crack an exhausted smile as he stares at his phone, waiting for the volume to drop.

“Hello?” he hears on the other end, and he tentatively brings the phone up again.

“Hey there,” Hyunwoo says, unable to disguise the amusement in his voice. “Is someone having a birthday?”

“We were watching!!” Seungcheol exclaims on the line, another round of applause closely following his words. “Man, we’re so happy for you. I’m so happy for you.”

Hyunwoo feels his heart tighten at the precision, the fact that Seungcheol had wanted to emphasize that. They’d often talked, as often as the groups could get together, about the weight they carry as leaders, their aspirations and their dreams, the pressure on their shoulders somewhat relieved by the presence of someone who knows exactly what it’s like.

“Ah… Thanks. Really.” he’s coming down from his adrenaline rush, but the words still don’t come easy. “I… ah, of course you were watching. Scouting out the competition?”

Seungcheol laugh, hearty and bold as he always is, and Hyunwoo echoes it.

“Nah, man. We’re genuinely happy for you. It’s been a long time coming.”

It really has. Hyunwoo can’t remember the number of times he’d just decided to stop hoping for it, only to wake up the next day with renewed vigor and determination to make it happen. It had been a weird, almost vicious cycle, one that he was more than happy to have finally broken out of.

There’s a shuffling noise on the other end and suddenly the cacophony begins again, and Hyunwoo frowns as he tries to make out voices in between the random noises everyone seems to have committed to making.

“Hello?!” Jeonghan nearly screams, sounding like he’s wrestling someone for the phone. “Congratulations!! You should have seen the reaction here, we were all rooting for you - oh Boo Seungkwan I swear to God… - yes, we were all rooting for you - Seungcheol wait I’m not done talking!”

Hyunwoo cocks an eyebrow at his phone, tentatively uttering a confused “Hello?” before settling back down in his chair when he hears Seungcheol’s voice again.

“Sorry about that. They’re really excited.” he chuckles, the embarrassment in his voice mixed with obvious fondness. “Even more motivated to do their best tomorrow, too.”

Oh. That’s right.

“I know you’re going to kill it.” Hyunwoo isn’t sure if he’s talking about the group or just the man on the line. “If Jeonghan doesn’t kill you first.” he adds, delighting in the pained groan that gets out of Seungcheol.

  
“Oh god. Now I really have to kill it, thanks a lot man.”

“You’re more than welcome.”

There’s a knock on the table and Hyunwoo looks up to find Minhyuk wildly motioning at him that they’re going to have to leave soon, so please hang up and pack up. He shoos the younger man along with a thumbs up and returns to the call, his heart sinking a little at the idea of hanging up on Seungcheol when he’s so happy for him.

“Hey, I have to go. The grind never stops, or something.”

“Ah, alright, alright.” Pause. “Hey, say… If you don’t immediately collapse from exhaustion when you get back, would you mind meeting up?”

Hyunwoo’s breath catches at the words, not sure what they imply.

“With you guys?”

The second Seungcheol takes to respond feels like an eternity.

“Err… Nah. Just me. I think I’ll leave them to their makeshift party, hope that they don’t end up eating each other or something.”

“I thought you guys already went through Lord of the Flies.”

“It’s everyday in this household, as you know,” Seungcheol quips, breathy laugh sending shivers down Hyunwoo’s neck. “So yeah, just me. Maybe at that park we went to last time?”

The memory is burned in Hyunwoo’s brain like a tire print on a racetrack.

“I’ll be there. Text you when I’m on my way.” he says, lowering his voice. Selfishly, he doesn’t want to tell the others until after the fact.

“Awesome.” is all Seungcheol can say before Chan is excitedly yelling words of encouragement in Hyunwoo’s ear, and then the call ends.

Hyunwoo just sighs and heaves his bag up on his shoulder, his free arm finding an easy way around Kihyun’s shoulders when he joins his family in the hallway.

 

_________

 

It takes a burning hot shower for Hyunwoo to finally get his feelings in order, the water reminding him that he’s alive, and awake, that he didn’t just dream everything up. He scrubs the remnants of tears tracks from his face, determined to face Seungcheol with the clearest possible mind, and he gets dressed quietly, thoughts racing.

Not too long. He’ll be back in no time to celebrate with everyone, but he needs the walk outside, the time to himself, and…

He’s never quite sure what he needs from Seungcheol.

Hyunwoo slips out the door, thoughts and heart engaged in a fierce race, not quieted down in the slightest when the cold November air hits his cheeks. He fires a quick text to Seungcheol and gets on his way.

The park Seungcheol mentioned isn’t too far away, so Hyunwoo decides to walk, the idea of being alone with his thoughts not so scary for the first time in a long time.

They all worked hard. He knows that. He remembers the sleepless nights in the practice room, clutching their tired knees but standing up and trying again all the same, the mountains of crumpled papers, ink-stained fingers and furrowed brows searching for the perfect rhyme. He remembers all the tears, of pain, sadness, exhaustion, but also laughter and joy, remembers the smiles and triumphant yells, all of it tucked away safely in a corner of his mind, a reminder of their bonds.

Hyunwoo loves them, all six of them, with their qualities, faults, and quirks, and they love him back, and most of the time, it’s enough.

Sometimes, it’s not.

And it’s not about them, not ever. He never wants to take them for granted or make them feel like they’re not good enough. It’s something that never left him, despite the work he’d done to get where he is today.

It had always been an uphill battle. Hyunwoo knew, for as long as he could remember looking at himself in the mirror and seeing someone different that who everyone else saw, that he’d have to work twice as hard, push twice as much, and speak twice as loud to be heard. And he always feels so selfish when those thoughts come to him. Of course no one in this industry has it easy. Who is he to complain about how hard he’s had it, when he’s seen everyone around him cry out in pain and frustration?

He’s always prided himself on being strong, able to endure. Physically, of course, he worked hard on getting the body he wanted, hours at the gym and in doctors’ offices rewarded whenever he scrolled SNS and saw compliments on his physique, on how _manly_ and _handsome_ he is. But building up his mental and morale had been the hardest part. He’d repeated his own name so many times to people who had not wanted to hear it, who kept spitting it back in his face like an insult. He never got into fights with trainers and trainees who tried to use his identity against him to rile him up. He knew better, knew he had to be the bigger person and rise up. And he did. They day he was told he’d get to be the group’s leader is still etched clearly in his memory.

As crushing as the responsibility is at times, Hyunwoo wears it like a badge of honor.

His thoughts carry him all the way to the park, and in the late hours of the evening it’s easy to spot Seungcheol, sitting on a bench under a tree, neck and chin tucked deep inside his scarf. Hyunwoo jogs a little to meet him, his heart twisting in his chest when Seungcheol notices him, smiling that warm, inviting smile that draws people to him so easily.

“Yo, _Shownu_!” he exclaims, and the mention of his stage name in such an informal setting doesn’t fail to make Hyunwoo laugh.

“Yo, _Coups_.” he returns the favor and pulls Seungcheol into a half-hug, too close to be a handshake, not close enough to Hyunwoo’s taste.

“I’m glad you could make it.” Seungcheol says, and his voice is nothing but genuine, lips stretching into a smile before the last words even leave his mouth.

“I don’t know why, I got the urge to see you in person, after seeing you up there…” his voice trails off, like he’s struggling to find the perfect words. “I really felt for you.”

Hyunwoo remembers watching too when Seventeen got their first win the year prior, disbelief and pride painted on each face, Jihoon silently crying, so far from his usual composure, Seungkwan stuttering his way through the encore, and the smiles that followed, bright as the years to come.

He also remembers that his happiness for his friends was, despite himself, tinged with jealousy, with envy and greed, wanting what they had, berating himself for not yet getting it. He remembers feeling helpless, left behind with still so high to climb, and promising himself that night that he wouldn’t stop, ever, if it meant seeing that same joy on his group’s faces one day. It hadn’t been easy. Days turned into weeks and months, and his resolve turned into an inner struggle.

In this moment, he’s happy he never let up.

“Thank you.” is all Hyunwoo says, tugging at Seungcheol’s jacket to start walking together, and linking their arms. “You know it always means a lot to me- to us...” Ah. “That you guys always have our back.”

“If we don’t lift each other up…”

“Yeah.” Hyunwoo doesn’t even have to wait for Seungcheol to finish to know what he means.

The world they live in, the industry they exist in, is brutal and ruthless. But everytime he feels that solidarity, that love and respect between groups, Hyunwoo doesn’t regret his decision to join it.

He made some pretty great friends out of it, after all.

Seungcheol suddenly stops in his tracks, catching Hyunwoo off guard, and they awkwardly collide with each other, surprised yelps turning into laughter. He’s happy no one is around to see them embarrass themselves.

“Hey man, what was that?”

“I don’t think I ever told you,” Seungcheol mumbles, looking at his feet. “How glad I am that we’re friends.”

Hyunwoo suddenly wishes he’d been the one to say those words.

“Not just our groups, of course that’s the best family I could have asked for but… You and I,” Seungcheol continues, his breath coming out in faint clouds under the lamplight. “I feel like. We get each other, y’know?”

November suddenly feels like spring.

“I know Jeonghan and Jihoon always have my back, they’re here if I ever need to rant or just… Be reassured. And all of them, all twelve, they trust me. They give me all the energy I need to go out there and do my thing.” Seungcheol swallows hard, lifting his head up. “And I never want to take them for granted. But this title… it’s heavy, right? If something goes wrong, if we slip up, we're who people will immediately look to.”

Seungcheol brings his hand up to work out a kink in his neck, turning to look at Hyunwoo when he resumes speaking.

“I’m glad I have someone who understands that firsthand.”

Hyunwoo feels something growing past his ribcage, rooting itself deeply into his heart.

“Me too.” he murmurs, fiddling with a stray thread on Seungcheol’s coat. “I was so happy when I saw your name on my phone screen earlier, I kind of surprised myself.”

“Even more when you invited me here.”

Hyunwoo knows that Seungcheol understands what he means. They have their own groups, their friends and their lovers, and in the end they’ll always go back home. But over the years, they also found something with and within each other, more than friendship but not quite, something they can’t and maybe don’t have any desire to define.

Often it’s just this, walking together and talking about nothing and everything all at once, a retreat from the spotlight. Hands finding hands, comfortable, or an arm around broad shoulders, longing to be protected too.

This time again, Hyunwoo's hand finds Seungcheol's, as easy as breathing, and their fingers fit together like they were meant to. It’s soft and comforting, not love but something else that glows warm, nestles painlessly in their chests.

Companionship.

That's a good word for it, Hyunwoo thinks. It’s all encompassing, eliminates the need to wrack his brain for something else. It’s easy going, what they all need more of.

Minutes pass as they walk in silence, hands warming each other up, the lights of the city and the streetlamps making shadows dance across Seungcheol's face, on the sharp edge of his jawline, in the shallows of his browbone, and Hyunwoo can’t help but sneak looks at him.

He's grateful for this. For him.

His phone buzzes in his pocket, reality crashing back on him like a wave. It's a text from Hoseok, a selca of the entire group pouting like toddlers.

“You sneaked out on us!” the caption reads, and it's so ridiculous, all of it, and yet so typical. Hyunwoo smiles at the screen, his heart so full of love he feels like it might burst.

Maybe he’ll pick up the pieces of it and hand them out, one by one, when he gets home.

He huffs out a laugh at his own cheesiness and squeezes Seungcheol’s hand to get his attention.

“I have to go. I’ve been found out.” he says, barely holding himself in.

Seungcheol’s reaction is to gasp, exaggerating it as much as he can.

“The kids found out about your affair?!”

Hyunwoo snorts in the least graceful way he thinks he’s ever had, the casual way Seungcheol calls this an ‘affair’ lost on him for a moment before his brain freezes in realization.

“I’m afraid we have to tragically call off our meeting.” he says, deciding to take the high way out instead of worrying himself sick. “But this isn't over.”

“This bitch of a life can't keep us apart.” Seungcheol blurts out in a fit of giggles, his hand still firmly in Hyunwoo's.

It’s still there when Seungcheol slightly lifts his chin to look up at Hyunwoo, feigning getting on his tiptoes so they're at eye level, his smile searing right through Hyunwoo's lungs.

“So I guess I’ll see you later.”

Yeah. Of course he will.

“You better count on it.” it’s barely a whisper, but there's so little space left between them that Seungcheol smiles at it just the same.

It’s enough for Hyunwoo to take the half-step he needs to finally press his lips to Seungcheol’s, a chaste kiss that lingers, for a second, the world stopping around them. It’s not goodbye, he thinks, not really.

“For good luck.” he says through a smile when they part, Seungcheol playfully pinching his ear.

“I need all the luck I can get.” is all Hyunwoo hears before Seungcheol kisses him again, his free hand holding on to the lapel of Hyunwoo's coat.

In that moment, Hyunwoo thinks they already have all the luck in the world.

Yeah, they have each other.

**Author's Note:**

> many thanks to my friends dylan, bru and ricki for the support in writing this fic!! i suddenly got in my feelings over these two and i couldn't let it go so.......... here's this.
> 
> let me know what y'all think!
> 
> i'm over on [twitter](http://twitter.com/diaminghao), see ya!


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